Let's get one thing clear before we dive into this post: I do consider myself a feminist. I am pro-women's rights and think women all over the world should be treated equally. I believe if a woman wants to stay at home and raise her children instead of punching a clock, she is no less intelligent, driven, or worldly than other working women and mothers, it's just the choice she's making. I believe if a woman chooses not to become a mother, not to do housework, and not to paint her nails, wear a lipstick or a bra, then these things are all entirely her decisions and she should not feel judged or less-than because of her convictions.
So the feminist in me may be rearing her alarmist head at the moment, but I am having some issues with the newlywed name change. I never thought I was opposed to changing my name until it was actually staring me in the face. Maybe it's the laziness taking over of not wanting to change all the credit cards, bank accounts, licenses, etc. Or maybe it's just that it is a big change and I need to test the waters before diving in the deep end.
(Note: My name change issues have nothing to do with the way I feel about being a wife...this is purely a superficial issue of what name do I go by...)
Okay, I am not opposed with the idea of changing my name, I guess I am just more "uncomfortable" with using the new name than I thought. And I'll get there, I will get there...I want our future children to have one family name, and really my last name sounds pretty lousy hyphenated with my husband's: Klein-Ochoa. Sounds like a disease I may or may not have our children vaccinated for. (can you believe all this controversy over vaccines causing autism...thank goodness I have a few years before I'm a mother and have to wrestle with these even bigger decisions...)
For now, the only decision on my plate is when will I get off my butt and officially change my name? Until recently, I fully intended when I got married to take my husband's name with pride. But when the reality sunk in of all the habits that would have to change it just doesn't seem so easy. I can't believe millions of women have done it before and made it seem effortless.
For over two decades, the world has known me as Susan Klein, and now all of a sudden, after one glorious day and a fantastic party (if I do say so myself,) I am supposed to be someone new? I don't think so...I do think my husband makes me a better person. He is strong, loving, and I can't imagine my life without him. But also he loves me for who I am and who he's been dating the past 5 years - and that is Susan KLEIN...
I know a name is really just a label and changing it doesn't change ME, but gosh, it is quite the adjustment walking into a restaurant to put my name in and saying "Susan Ochoa." Writing it is much easier than actually saying it. I look at my new name in calligraphy on beautiful invitations and think it looks nice, but when someone asks me my name, I am just not trained to say something other than what I've been saying for, well, my entire life!
A good friend was married about 4 months before me, and she still hasn't changed her name, though she plans to, eventually, just like I do...Until my wedding day, I thought she was crazy. What's the big deal, I thought? It's just your name.
And then it happened to me. The sudden reality that you're no longer a "Miss." You are a "Mrs." Formally people might not even include your first name on invitations anymore, but rather you'll be "Mr. and Mrs. New Husband, Jr". Now that is strange...what about ME? What about the beautiful name my parents gave me? Why is it just about the man's name?
I used to tell my fiance before we got hitched in the Catholic church, that unless I became famous before June 9, I would whole heartedly take his name. We joked about a morphed version, "Klochoa," which though it doesn't have a great ring to it, seems a bit more fair...but ultimately, I know I am proud to be an Ochoa. I am also proud to be a Klein, but for the sake of my children and for the sake of acquiescing with tradition, I suppose, I will eventually grown accustomed to my new married name.
Susan Ochoa. Susan Ochoa. It does have a nice ring to it, doesn't it?
And working in the entertainment industry and being one of few Catholics, my maiden name lead everyone to believe I was Jewish, and unless directly questioned about it, I did not protest this label...
So now we joke that I'll stop trying to play the "Jew" card and instead, go for the Mexican card with Ochoa...
What's wrong with me? Am I the only one to feel like this? I know I'll change it, but gosh, it just seems like a big pain in my bony Ochoa butt...
Susan Ochoa...
It's all in the details...Since I am a newlywed, I think it is quite appropriate for me to share details of my wedding with my blog readers...
