Home Alone

I am a big wimp. I admit it. I don't think I like staying home alone. When I was a kid, staying home alone was a thrill. I could consume all the Cool Ranch Doritos and Cream Soda I wanted! In high school, I spent a lot of weekends home alone as my parents went to watch my brother play in the NCAA College Baseball tournament. I wasn't a bad teenage girl, but certainly would have a few friends over to keep me company...

During and after college, when I lived in apartments with roommates, when they would all be out of town at the same time, while lonely at times, it was relaxing to have some me-time...I could watch whatever I wanted on TV (probably Bev. Hills, 90210) and walk around in mis-matched PJs or a mud-mask and not have to worry about who a roommate might be bringing home.

Now that my husband and I have our own house and I've lost the security of an apartment building, (that either came from having lots of people around or being on the second floor,) I get so nervous staying home by myself.

It is a fear that I am aware of and dealing with because it seems a little ridiculous...why fear something like that? We have an alarm system and a dog and neighbors close by who are always home and ready to step in if necessary...with various weapons, we are told...

Still, it's more of a personal comfort-level issue. No matter in my head how safe I know I am, I still feel uneasy when my husband is gone for the night. Last week, I even booby trapped the front door using the dog crate, skis and several duffel bags. This would have severely slowed down an intruder; I am convinced. I also made sure to have a baseball bat and a Japanese Kendo sword nearby, just in case someone got past the booby trapped front door and tried to rumble with me.

I am now used to having my husband sleep beside me and I feel the feminist inside me trying to keep me from saying this...but yes, I do feel safer when he is around. Damn it. I am sorry. It's true. I like having a man around the house.

Of course, there are those moments when he's gone when I can blast the Flashdance soundtrack and leap around the house, or eat Oreos for breakfast without someone giving me the stink eye. But in general, I am happier when he's around...

And this is after 7 months + of marriage...we'll see if I still feel the same a year from now...(wink)

First Christmas as a Mrs!

I love Christmas...I love everything about it...I love the lights, the decorations, the shopping (I even don't mind the lines), baking Christmas cookies, going to church and watching the decorations for the Christmas services gradually appear throughout the month of December, the chill in the air, (even in Southern California), the wider smiles on people's faces because they can't deny the infectious holiday spirit...I pretty much love it all!

But I have to say my first Christmas as a Mrs. brought some new elements to my holiday...splitting time between my family and my in-laws. Ugh! What a pain! My husband and I dated for over 6 years before we got married, and while we sometimes would stop by each other's family's houses for Christmas, we never actually spent the entire holidays together. His parents are divorced and we are fortunate that his dad and stepmother live only 30 minutes from my parents, so we can easily combine gatherings or see both families in one day. But his mother lives in Northern California and it is quite a drive which makes sharing the holidays very difficult!

Luckily, everything worked out pretty well, but we just ended up feeling exhausted. It's almost like you need a vacation after your vacation because you spend the whole time travelling and trying to squeeze as much quality time in with everyone you forget to rest and enjoy the time off work.

Still for me, there is that persistent Catholic guilt that makes me feel like we spend too much time with my family and not enough time with his...but when he doesn't put up a fight to make plans with his family, what can I do but acquiesce with the plans my two brothers have already made with my parents.

I just can't wait till we have our own kids and we are forced to stay and have Christmas with them in our home and everyone can come to us!

As you can see, I am quite behind in my post and one of my new year's resolutions is to write more about my newlywed experiences...

Happy New Year!