Home Alone

I am a big wimp. I admit it. I don't think I like staying home alone. When I was a kid, staying home alone was a thrill. I could consume all the Cool Ranch Doritos and Cream Soda I wanted! In high school, I spent a lot of weekends home alone as my parents went to watch my brother play in the NCAA College Baseball tournament. I wasn't a bad teenage girl, but certainly would have a few friends over to keep me company...

During and after college, when I lived in apartments with roommates, when they would all be out of town at the same time, while lonely at times, it was relaxing to have some me-time...I could watch whatever I wanted on TV (probably Bev. Hills, 90210) and walk around in mis-matched PJs or a mud-mask and not have to worry about who a roommate might be bringing home.

Now that my husband and I have our own house and I've lost the security of an apartment building, (that either came from having lots of people around or being on the second floor,) I get so nervous staying home by myself.

It is a fear that I am aware of and dealing with because it seems a little ridiculous...why fear something like that? We have an alarm system and a dog and neighbors close by who are always home and ready to step in if necessary...with various weapons, we are told...

Still, it's more of a personal comfort-level issue. No matter in my head how safe I know I am, I still feel uneasy when my husband is gone for the night. Last week, I even booby trapped the front door using the dog crate, skis and several duffel bags. This would have severely slowed down an intruder; I am convinced. I also made sure to have a baseball bat and a Japanese Kendo sword nearby, just in case someone got past the booby trapped front door and tried to rumble with me.

I am now used to having my husband sleep beside me and I feel the feminist inside me trying to keep me from saying this...but yes, I do feel safer when he is around. Damn it. I am sorry. It's true. I like having a man around the house.

Of course, there are those moments when he's gone when I can blast the Flashdance soundtrack and leap around the house, or eat Oreos for breakfast without someone giving me the stink eye. But in general, I am happier when he's around...

And this is after 7 months + of marriage...we'll see if I still feel the same a year from now...(wink)